Start with yourself............

‘Hello – is that me in there?’
Recently, I received a frantic call from a guy that had been a client for many years, Mark. “Look – I have read all the books that are on the shelf about being Creative and Entrepreneurial, and done all the things that it said – but see – I am still just ME’ My temptation was to ask “So what is the problem?”, but restrained myself, to listen further. Mark was so frustrated, based on the assumption that by reading several books, anyone can change – and it just was not happening for him. Well, was it really a problem?

As we all know, there is so much information out there in the world of communication and media, to encourage us to be something that we are not, nor will ever be. (This is probably because we don’t really want to be, but daren’t admit it!). Books that attempt to motivate us to be better business people, thinkers, entrepreneurs, even dressers; DVDs to make us into athletes, or Mr Universe. You could miss your plane by two hours just by looking at the possibilities in any airport shop! Just pick up the book/video etc. and away we go to change…. Or your money back?!

Well not quite! One of the key factors that is often forgotten in the furore of transforming ourselves and/or lives is the starting point. ‘Who am I to start with?’

If you are a woman, I am pretty sure that you can relate to the ‘Model’ look. You cram yourself into a new dress in Kate Moss’s new collection in Top Shop, and then feel desperate, as you just don’t look like anything like her, even though you have all her stuff on from top to toe! Let’s be honest, unless you happen to be size 6 (UK) already – you are never going to look like her – sorry! However, you can improve and enhance your natural look by buying some clothes that maybe make you more slim lined, with a long tunic etc., if that is what you are really hoping for. Now that will work!

That goes for the same message in business. If you are an introvert, you are not going to become extrovert by reading one book. However, that book can help you to discover what it is about extroverts that you admire, and what behaviours could you enhance of your own, to move towards that feeling? Now that is worthwhile!

As I did with Mark, my client, ask yourself a simple but critically important question,. Simply, ‘What makes me Me?’ For the answer, get some feedback from a variety of sources, not just your latest discussion in the board room. Personalities have been developing since birth, so even your school reports will unlock some interesting features. Feedback from colleagues, family, different friends. Get a feeling and picture of who you are and feel comfortable with that, as a starting point.

Then think about the specific attributes you admire from reading the articles, books etc. Which of those really resonate with you? When you read or watch, your body will let you know the important factors. You should feel something in your stomach or maybe neck, some form of internal light will go on. For example, when reading about Mountain climbers, it is their ability to focus, or to be patient to wait for the right moment to climb, or to be able to work on their own? Focus in on that one thing, and recognise that this is the key factor you are interested in.

Going back to Mark – his feedback had highlighted that he was excellent at making things happen, and working with others. Even at school, he was often Form Captain and headed up the Debate Society, recognising his ability to take actions forward. He had already realised that he was not a natural at coming up with ideas. Did he really want to do this? After a little soul searching, he admitted that it wasn’t that which inspired him. It was more about being courageous in taking ideas and making them happen. This is something that he really could see himself doing. So, his plan was to go and find people in the organisation that had some great ideas, listen more intently to them and work with them to make things happen. This REALLY fired him up and gave him the courage to change. However, this change was enhancing his skills and behaviours and not making him into something that he was not.

Please recognise that these books, dresses, DVDs are excellent at inspiring us and motivating us to make changes, which is a good thing! However, be realistic with your starting point. Don’t set yourself up to fail – set yourself up to be a winner, by working out who you really are on the starting blocks.


Until next week,

Kate Tojeiro is an Executive Performance Coach at www.the-x-fusion.co.uk